Conflicts occur in some of our best-run organizations.
Christians and Christian organizations experience conflict likely at the same
rate as any other group or organization.
Resource allocations, communication deficiencies, economics,
environmental stress, confusion over roles and responsibilities are just some
of the likely reasons for conflict and each can damage an otherwise healthy
organization.
While Christian organizations are not exempt from conflict,
there certainly are more reasons to quickly resolve these conflicts amicably
and hopefully positively in Christ-centered organizations. Our mission, purpose and calling are more
important and the work that we are called to is truly life giving.
I have found through experience that conflict is likely not entirely
preventable. Since it is not
preventable, it is actually much healthier for us to understand it is natural and
expected. This is particularly true when
the stakes are high and when people need to work together in order to
accomplish the mission.
There are strategies that can be employed in order to
resolve conflict however most approaches taught in seminars and by experts
typically start after the conflict has escalated to antagonism and beyond
disagreement to collision. A better
approach starts earlier in the process. As
conflict is expected, learning how to navigate through conflict in a respectful
and positive way is a primary management tool if we are leaders in an
organization.
Smile-Pause and
Listen
I’ve read a number of books and articles that say, “Don’t
react, respond” but they all miss the point.
Our initial reaction is critical in dealing with conflict. By definition our reaction to confrontation
is immediate and it tells much about our attitude towards our ability to be
open-minded, humble, honest, selfless and kind.
Here are a couple of hints on how to react to an initial
conflict or complaint:
1)
Smile – there is an old saying that if you are
happy, be sure to tell your face. Maintaining eye contact and smiling will encourage the person to finish their statement,
complaint or report and realize that we are at a minimum open to their
comments.
2)
Pause – Abraham Lincoln likely paraphrased
Proverbs 17:28 when he said, “it is better to be quiet and be thought of as a
fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt”. Pause, take a breath and allow the mind to
be open to what needs to be communicated.
3)
Listen – Effective listening is a process that
is an acquired skill. Jesus said in
Matthew 13 that people hear but don’t listen.
According to Jesus this is because people have hardened their hearts,
closed their eyes and stopped up their ears.
Failure to listen is a horribly limiting management flaw. Habit 5 of Steven Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
is “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Effective communication starts with listening
and listening is a good way to react in conflict.
4)
Pray – 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says simply, “pray
continually”. There are lots of
opportunities to pray throughout the day.
When conflict arises there is actually no better time to our mind and
heart to turn to prayer. In just a few
moments and without words being spoken there is an opportunity for Godly wisdom
to guide and direct the conversation.
Respond With Kindness
The biggest advantage Christian leaders have in resolving
conflict is in knowing that God is always bigger than the problem. In addition, because all good things are
from God and the wisdom that is needed to resolve any conflict is available to
anyone that asks, our response should always be positive and constructive.
One of the most important things we can do in giving a
response is to remember to be kind.
Kindness is how we express our love.
The words we use the can heal or destroy, they can demonstrate our
interest in reconciliation or they can push any wedge of division down even
further.
Here are some simple things to remember:
1)
Ask clarifying questions. Active listening actually starts in the first
step, in our reaction. As we respond we
need to find ways to use clarifying questions to help both parties understand
what is being said. It begins with a
positive and engaged attitude and an interest in truly understanding. It’s been said that active listening is
being ‘other-directed’, a quality that is consistent with the Biblical
encouragement of our character development.
2)
Use inclusive and positive comments and
statements. We can always be positive
that there is a resolution even if at first the solution isn’t readily
apparent. Own the fact that somewhere there has been a
break-down and even if we are a small part, we are still a part of the problem.
3)
Keep the door open to future dialogues. Often time is needed to be able to research
and identify the actual problem. The
true problem is often disguised and leaders need time to sort through the
symptoms in order to get to the heart of the issue.
Review and Reflect in
order to improve
Finally, resolving conflict is not about winning and losing
but it is certainly about improving processes in order to improve the
results. It’s been said that our processes
are perfectly designed to achieve the results they are producing. We need to review the dialogs and
conversations we have with our colleagues and partners to make sure we are
making progress to resolving conflicts and improving processes.
When we reflect on the challenges and opportunities that we
have, particularly when it comes to resolving conflict, we actually can start
to vision the opportunities for the future.
The outcome of conflict should never be ‘business as usual’. Conflict is actually an opportunity to learn
and to grow and to change. Good leaders
manage conflict; great leaders see conflict as an opportunity for improvement.
