Can This Marriage Be Saved?

That title was a frequent and popular article in the monthly Ladies Home Journal. I'm not even a casual reader of that magazine but the title question is a good one for all of our marriages: "Can this marriage be saved?"

This week, through Valentine's Day, is National Marriage Week. The over-riding theme of the week is strengthening both existing marriages and reversing the decline in marriage among adults. The reversal is necessary as research has shown that while 78% of adults were married in 1970, only 57% were married in 2008. As a result, 40% of all children in America are now born out of wedlock.

The bottom-line is that marriage works on a number of fronts. According to The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier And Better Off Financially by Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher, (Doubleday, 2000) the statistics are heavy in favor of marriage.

Research has shown that marriage leads to a longer and healthier life. Both married men and women are less likely than singles to suffer from long-term chronic illness or disabilities. On average, married men live significantly longer than single men (although the old line is that it really isn't 'longer' it just 'seems longer' :-)

The biggest statistical difference is actually with regard to personal or family wealth. Married couples in their 50's and 60's have an average net worth of just over $132,000 while those single or divorced had less than $35,000. Considering two people vs. one that improvement from being married is 88%.

At retirement, the difference is even greater with married couples entering into retirement years with a net worth of $410,000 vs. $167,000 for never married and $154,000 for those that have been divorced.

Ultimately however, it's really the children that have the most to lose if we fail to save marriages. Children growing up in a single parent home are more likely to live in poverty as studies have shown that 57% percent of the children in single parent families live below the poverty line vs. only 6.3% of children in two-parent families, most of which are married. These children also have trouble with school, tend to get in trouble more often, have higher risk of health problems and are at greater risk of suffering emotional, physical or sexual abuse.

Marriage works and your marriage can work as well. If you are looking for help in your marriage, see you local pastor and check out the many resources available for a marriage based on biblical principles that will last forever.

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Sources: "Single Parent Families" http://family.jrank.org/pages/1574/Single-Parent-Families-Demographic-Trends.html;Single-Parent Families - The Well-being Of Children Raised In Single-parent Homes

Read more: Single-Parent Families - The Well-being Of Children Raised In Single-parent Homeshttp://social.jrank.org/pages/580/Single-Parent-Families-Well-Being-Children-Raised-in-Single-Parent-Homes.html#ixzz0f46gAIKv

Holy Fear

If God is all-loving, why does the Bible say that we are to fear him? Unfortunately, the typical answer is that the fear that is referred to in the bible is something akin to 'Respect'. That response is not only incorrect but harmful as it limits what actually should be a very healthy and natural response when both sinner and saint are confronted with the awesome and powerful God of the universe.

Even worse is to equate the God that needs to be feared as an 'Old Testament' God as if we now have a different God or as if the New Testament is all about love but no fear. If so, we have to deal with a number of verses in the New Testament that deal with the same subject:

"Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the King." (1Peter 2:17)

"Don?t fear those who kill the body but are not able to kill the soul; rather, fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell."(Matt 10:28)

"But I will show you the One to fear: Fear Him who has authority to throw people into hell after death. Yes, I say to you, this is the One to fear!" (Luke 12:5)

"He spoke with a loud voice: 'Fear God and give Him glory, because the hour of His judgment has come. Worship the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea and springs of water."(Rev. 14:7)

So what exactly does it mean that we are to "Fear the Lord"? The Fear of the Lord is a Holy Fear that for the believer is essential in living a life that is holy and pleasing to God. The fear of God that is taught in the New Testament is that which caused the early church to grow (Acts 2:43&47 and "fear came upon every soul...and the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved."

For the unbeliever, the fear of the Lord is a powerful force that will often lead to true repentance. The fear of judgment, the consequences of sin both here on earth as well as for eternity has lead to an appropriate response which is to repent and turn to God and salvation.

For the believer, a healthy fear of God protects us from many unholy influences and temptations. This healthy fear is a dread of offending a holy and all-powerful God in whom we have entrusted our lives.ˇIt is not a fear of condemnation as the Bible clearly tells us, "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1), but of disappointment and ultimately an understanding that God's mercy protects us from many but not all of the consequences of our sins.

For the believer, our God deserves both our worship and our fellowship.ˇIn order to have fellowship with a Holy God we need both the sanctifying work of Jesus Christ as well as our obedience.

The sacrifice has already been paid. It's now time to resist temptation and sin and submit our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God.

Romans 12:1 "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship."

Creating Margin

If you want to have a life, you need some margin. For too many of us, our life has been so jammed with things, both good and bad, that we have absolutely no margin and as a result no life.

I just came back from a short 3-day vacation with the family. Because it was short we spent literally every minute with each other. The first night we went out to eat and I was amazed that there were families, that looked somewhat like ours, except instead of talking with each other, they were all on their iPhones and Blackberrys and clicking away at the keys.

Perhaps they had something important to say or something really special to share like, "@ a table and ready 2Eat".

People define margin a number of ways. For me, when I think of margin, I think of those slide puzzles that have either numbers or maybe a picture. The objective is to rearrange all the pieces so that it makes sense. The catch is that in order to play the game, one of the pieces has to be missing. It creates room or margin for the other pieces to move around.

To me, margin is that which is required in order for all the other pieces of my life to work. I need margin in my day to be able to get from one place to another or one appointment to another without running like a maniac. I need margin in my finances so that at the end of the month, I have some money left over for possible emergencies. I need margin in my week so that I get an opportunity to spend time with my family and friends.

What piece do you need to take out of your life in order to create some margin and get a life? It's not about priorities, it's actually about saying, "no" to some good things as well. Financial margin happens when we make a decision to not buy something in order to have a little left over for emergencies. Margin in your daily schedule appears when you say "no" to the additional invitation or meeting or activity.

Create a little margin and take back your life.

Spiritual Disciplines for success

Much of what is considered "success in life" is determined by the discipline an individual practices or develops over time. There are literally no "overnight wonders" when it comes to success. This is true in literally every aspect of life from education to exercise, good nutrition to drugs and alcohol, to our handling of money and keeping out of debt.

Spiritual disciplines are exactly the same. The Bible encourages us to exercise healthy spiritual disciplines in order for us to enjoy the life God has given to us and protect us from evil influences. (Romans 12:9-12)

Spiritual disciplines may be confused with spiritual legalism but they have completely different motivations and entirely different outcomes. Legalism can be defined as excessive spiritual and moral rules that are imposed by a religious system that impugn our religious liberty. On the other hand, spiritual disciplines are those practices that the individual chooses to follow in order to correct, mold or perfect his or her moral character.

These spiritual disciplines don't make us right with God; we don't get right with God by the good things we do but through faith in Jesus Christ. Spiritual disciplines however do make us more like Jesus as He regularly practiced them all as well.

There are at least seven spiritual disciplines that are found in the New Testament. All of these are activities that when practiced and perfected enable the believer to become more like Christ - - ultimately the single most important definition of success in life.

The spiritual disciplines include:

* Service (Voluntarily meeting the needs of people)

* Prayer & Fasting (Two similar activities that elevate our relationship with God)

* Chastity (Includes modesty and a proper respect fo God's plan for sexuality)

* Stewardship (An understanding that God is the the owner of all things)

* Study (Equipping ourselves with practical, useful and Godly training)

* Community (Cultivating a life that is shared with other believers)

* Simplicity (Voluntarily maintaining margin in our lifestyle)

If you are interested in becoming the person that God wants you to be, the journey starts with these spiritual disciplines. Your quest can start with some very simple questions, "What do I believe God is calling me to do that I'm presently unable to do?" and, "What are the disciplines that I need to develop in order to be used by God and grow in my faith?"

Daniel Fast

"And when you fast, don't make it obvious, as the hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so people will admire them for their fasting. I tell you the truth that is the only reward they will ever get.ˇBut when you fast, comb your hair and wash your face.ˇThen no one will notice that you are fasting, except your Father, who knows what you do in private. And your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.ˇ(Matthew 6:16-18)

One of the most important and yet one of the least understood, and least practiced disciplines is a spiritual fast. Notice that I am using the words, "spiritual fast" as there are many that practice a partial fast to detox or fast from selected foods for health benefits.

Jesus assumed we would fast. The Gospel of Mark records that Jesus was asked about his disciples and their apparent lack of spirituality compared to John the Baptist?s disciples or the Pharisees. He replied that there would be a time (when he was taken from them) that we would fast.ˇHe also gave the instruction in Matthew six above regarding the proper way to give, fast and pray ending with His giving us the Lord?s Prayer.

There are a great many reasons to fast. Personally, I think the best reason is to develop a spiritual discipline that places dedication to the things of God above the cares and comforts of the world.ˇAt the same time I?ve learned from experience that I?m not very good at a total fast of more than a day.

One of the interesting fasts that I?ve come to recommend is called the ?Daniel Fast?, so named for Daniels words during his time in exile with Shadrach, Meshack and Abednego: "In those days I, Daniel, was mourning three full weeks. I ate no pleasant food, no meat or wine came into my mouth, nor did I anoint myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled." (Daniel 10:2)

The Daniel Fast is primarily eating fruits and vegetables, legumes (primarily beans and peas) along with nuts.ˇPeople on the Daniel Fast typically fast for 21 days (Biblical example set by Daniel) and since there is no shortage of food, it?s relatively easy to fit in with the rest of society without anyone thinking that you are starving yourself.

During the fast, the objective would be to be especially attentive to the things of the Lord. Typically you can embrace an enhanced time of bible reading, prayer and even extended time of just being silent before God.

Join me; give it a try for 21 days starting the first of the year.ˇLet?s see what God may have to say to us.

The Christmas Story

One of my favorite Christmas traditions is watching "The Christmas Story" with Ralphie being told by his mother that he's going to "shoot his eye out" and his brother Randy struggling to keep up with his bigger brother.

This time of the year, it's good to remember the true Christmas Story. It's more than a family tradition as it's the celebration of the birth of the most influential person in the history of the world.

The best way to understand the true Christmas story is to read it in the Bible. The first couple of chapters in the books of Matthew and Luke have the entire account: Mary and Joseph, no room in the inn, the shepherds, angels and magi. The account of Christ?s birth is presented simply and factually, giving only enough of the essential information for a basic two-fold purpose. John 20:31 gives us this two-fold purpose where it says, ?These have been written that (1) you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that (2) believing, you may have life in His name.?

Throughout the scriptures, God had made known through His prophets and messengers that a Messiah would come. All of the events of Jesus' birth took place exactly as recorded hundreds of years earlier. Over 700 years prior to the scene recorded in Matthew, the prophet Isaiah recorded, "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel" or "God with us" (Isaiah 7:14)

The prophet Micah, a contemporary of Isaiah and ministering to the people of Israel during the reigns of King Jotham (750-731 BC) King Ahaz (736-715 BC) and King Hezekiah (715-686) said that the Messiah would be born in the city of Bethlehem , again over 700 years before the actual recorded birth of Jesus.

The birth, death and resurrection of Jesus is perhaps the most widely reported and historical event of all time. At this time of the year it's good to be reminded that it's in believing this simple Christmas Story that we may have life in His name.

Intersections of Life

When King Hezekiah heard this, he tore his clothes and put on sackcloth and went into the temple of the LORD. (Isaiah 37:1)

Most historians are of the opinion that Hezekiah, son of Ahaz, was not like his evil father. He re-instituted many of the cultural aspects of the worship of the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

King Hezekiah’s spiritual life however was going to be challenged. Instead of a just being a kind but primarily secular king, He would quickly find the faith of his ancestors. The King of Assyria had sent armies to Judah and had defeated all of the fortified cities of Judah. A large army was camped now against Jerusalem and Hezekiah feared for his life as well as his people.

King Hezekiah’s response is understandable. When we are pressed and no longer can look to our own capabilities or even the help of our friends or armies, we turn to God.

Hezekiah knew about God so he knew to Whom to turn.

People often turn to God when they are at the end of their rope.

God answered Hezekiah's prayer and he answers our prayers when we find ourselves at these "Intersections of Life" as well.

I once heard that an "Intersection of Life" can be defined as "an intersection of my plans with God's will".

Sudden sickness, life-threatening circumstances, financial hardship etc., all qualify as "Intersections of Life". Just like King Hezekiah being confronted by an army, we turn to God as our provider and only possible help in a time of need. Fortunately, these intersections are often used by God to turn our hearts back to Him as well.

In good times as well as bad, God is our help and our provider. God encourages us to seek His help at these and at all times. In the Bible it says,

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)"